Mother's Day

Dear Lainey and Beau,

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and it will be my fourth. I can't help but wonder how I'm doing as your Mom.  You are both such fun and interesting little people and I hope I am the mom you need me to be.  I'm sure you've figured out by now that I'm not perfect.  Far from it in fact. One day, you will realize the cold hard truth just like I did: raising people is hard work!  Everyone says being a mom is the hardest job in the world.  But until you have kids of your own, you don't realize the ways in which it's hard.  I think about you both all day long.  You're on my mind first thing when I wake up with wondering what to make you for breakfast that you'll like and will nourish your little bodies.  All day long I worry if I'm teaching you the things you need to learn to become happy adults someday.  Am I paying enough attention to you, or too much to one of you and a not enough to the other? Do you know how much you are loved? Do you know how proud we are of both of you?  Am I setting the correct boundaries, disciplining you the right way, disciplining you enough, too much, too lenient, too harsh?   All day long I worry.  Every night before I go to sleep I go in your rooms and check on you.  What I'm checking for I'm still not sure. Sometimes you've kicked your blanket off, sometimes Beau, you've thrown one or both of your best friends, Bunnz or Bear out of the bed and I now you'll wake up and miss them so I put them next to you.  Lainey, some nights you've got your cup cradled in your arms like a baby doll and I move it so you won't hurt yourself with it in the night.  Mainly, I just look at you and take in your sweetness. If it wouldn't wake you, I'd crawl in bed next to you and snuggle up.  Then I think about the day we just had. The fun we had, the times I lost my patience, the kisses, the meals that you didn't like, the smiles, the temper tantrums, the hugs and the time outs.  And I'm exhausted.  If you're doing it right, being a Mom is the hardest job in the world.   I know that I worry so much because the wellbeing of two people I love most in the world (Daddy makes three), is my responsibility.  There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe, make you feel loved and to make you happy and healthy.  You are not just a job to me. You are my whole world and I don't know what I would do without you.  I can't even imagine my life without you both in it.   You have brought such joy, sweetness and beauty to my world. Every morning I am so excited to see your little faces and give you kisses and hugs and when you go to bed, it's not long before I miss you.  So while I'm not perfect and am not always the best at my job, I am trying and will continue to try for as long as I am your mother.   I love being your mom and am so proud of you both.  I could not have asked for more wonderful kids.  I'm sure you and Daddy have a great day planned for tomorrow. Mother's Day has become my favorite day outside of your birthdays.  I think it's because we spend the whole day together, just being a family.  I thank God for entrusting me with the two of you and soak in all your sweetness and light.

Love always,

Mommy